A good joke is an excellent spice to a dull conversation. But what about the witty lines that lean into dark and uncomfortable territory?
Dark-humored quips are often thought-provoking and controversial and may sometimes offend a more sensitive individual. On the flip side, finding humor in serious situations helps lift the spirits and make tough times more manageable.
If you appreciate edgy one-liners, you will surely enjoy our list of 100 dark humor jokes. Share these jokes with fellow black comedy lovers who will embrace your shady side. Be warned, however: We delve into some complicated subjects.
Best Dark Humor Jokes
If you’ve got a wicked sense of humor, our list of top dark jokes will be the type of laughing elixir you need. See others cringe as you let out an evil chuckle.
1. “I told my therapist I have suicidal thoughts. He said I should pay in advance.”
2. “Why don’t cemeteries have Wi-Fi? Because people are already dying to get in.”
3. “I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… so she gave me a hug.”
4. “My doctor asked me to pass on drinking, but he didn’t mention it would be out of a paper bag.”
5. “I once asked the Grim Reaper for a favor. He said, ‘Sure, but it’ll cost you an arm and a leg.’”
6. “The other day, my ex got hit by a car. Startled by the news, I put the car in reverse and hit her again.”
7. “I’ll never forget my grandfather’s last words. He said, ‘Stop shaking the ladder!’ Not the best time for a joke, I guess.”
8. “People say you should live every day like it’s your last. So I’m ignoring everyone and eating cake alone as if it were my last birthday. Problem solved!”
9. “People asked me to explain why I have a lot of skeletons in my closet. I keep them there because they can’t fit under the bed anymore, and I’m too lazy to throw them out.”
10. “My friend asked if I wanted to go bungee jumping. I said, ‘The last thing I want to do is get attached to someone who will let me down.’”
Dark Jokes on Death and Mortality
Sure, you may irritate someone or get a bunch of awkward stares for saying things about death, but deep inside, everyone will find it relatable — can’t escape it, might as well have a blast.
1. “When I die, I hope it’s during a stand-up routine — so everyone can say I killed it.”
2. “Death comes for us all, but I like to think I can at least leave him on ‘read’ for a while.”
3. “My friend left a note that he wanted to be cremated. I wondered if that was to make sure he’ll be warm or because he wants to burn bridges even in death.”
4. “Why do we fear the Grim Reaper? He’s just there to make sure you get your eternal rest — think of him as a sleep therapist.”
5. “I’ve always been bad at goodbyes, so when I die, I’m planning to just ghost everyone. That’s fair enough, eh?”
6. “My Uncle Frank died, so I cornered the funeral director to get a discount on his burial plot. The man refused and slammed the door while saying, ‘Sorry, it’s a dead-end deal.’”
7. “My Uncle Frank says he wanted to be buried in his favorite beer mug. That would mean he’d be Frank in stein when he dies.”
8. “They say you can’t take anything with you when you go. Feeling nostalgic, I still packed my bags and all my black clothes, just in case.”
9. “My tombstone is going to read, ‘BRB’ — because I’m not committing anything to anybody, even death.”
10. “If I ever meet death, I hope he’s wearing a Hawaiian shirt. That way, I know we’re going somewhere warm.”
Dark Jokes on Illness and Suffering
Dark jokes about illness may seem like bitter pills, but they are comically contagious, and the resulting laughter makes for good medicine. Be sure to use them sparingly!
1. “The good thing about catching a cold is it’s a free excuse to avoid people — like social distancing, but with extra snot.”
2. “After two years of the pandemic, I’m just glad we’re all getting used to the idea that handshakes are basically biohazards.”
3. “My doctor told me to stay positive about my health. I said, ‘Sure, but I thought we were trying to avoid being positive for COVID?’”
4. “I asked my therapist if feeling sick of everything is normal. He said, ‘That’s just pandemic fatigue — or maybe the flu.’”
5. “Every time I sneeze in public, I wonder if it’s COVID and realize how hard it is without fresh air to breathe.”
6. “I asked about getting the monkeypox vaccine, wondering if it would protect me from people making bad jokes. Sadly, the answer was no.”
7. “I told my boss I couldn’t come in because I was feeling ill. He said, ‘Don’t worry, we’ve all felt dead inside since 2020.’”
8. “I wanted to catch up on my reading during the pandemic, but I ended up just catching existential dread instead.”
9. “I have a new policy: If the illness doesn’t come with at least two weeks off, it’s not worth catching.”
10. “My wife asked if she could get me a prescription for my lack of enthusiasm. The doctor said it’s called a pandemic, not a cure.”
Dark Jokes on War and Tragedy
These heavy hitters are ready for a boisterous battle. Play the historian with these tricky one-liners that bank on humanitarian tragedies.
1. “War never changes — just the people who are unlucky enough to fight in it.”
2. “I asked a historian what the difference between war and tragedy is. He said, ‘War is when they write history; tragedy is when they forget to.’”
3. “I told my friend war is hell. He said, ‘At least in hell, you know where everyone stands.’”
4. “The only thing worse than a war is trying to survive the peace that comes after.”
5. “I asked why there are no winners in war. Someone told me, ‘Because, in the end, we’re all just losers.’”
6. “Wars are fought over lines on a map, but the real battle is for the ones drawn in our minds.”
7. “You know it’s a bad day when your best option is surviving a war zone.”
8. “I used to think tragedy was just something that happened in books. Then I turned on the news. ”
9. “They say war brings out the best in men. I think they meant the best at hiding fear.”
10. “I once asked a soldier how he copes with war. He said, ‘One day at a time, but some days feel like they last forever.’”
Dark Jokes on Controversial Topics
If you dare to tackle these topics head-on, you have what it takes to deliver these edgy punchlines. The ultimate loyalty test is to see if your partner or friend can handle these jokes.
1. “They say money can’t buy happiness, but it sure can buy a lot of therapy and plane tickets to help you cope without it.”
2. “Religion’s like a buffet — everyone picks what they want, and then they judge what’s on your plate.”
3. “The best thing about conspiracy theories is that they make you feel like you’re in on the joke — until you realize you’re the punchline.”
4. “Talking politics at family dinners is like playing Russian roulette — someone will lose, and everyone will regret it.”
5. “My profile reads I want children and I’m pro-choice, especially when it comes to choosing not to talk about it at parties.”
6. “Sex education in school was always awkward — kind of like learning how to swim by watching Titanic.”
7. “I told a nutritionist I was thinking about going vegan. The man responds, ‘Just remember that no one cares.’”
8. “They say everyone’s entitled to their own opinion, but my wife thinks she’s entitled to mine too.”
9. “I asked a lawyer if honesty is the best policy. He said, ‘Only if you can afford the truth.’”
10. “They say laughter is the best medicine, but that depends on what you’re dying of.”
Dark Jokes on Mental Health and Insanity
These dark jokes are crazy and will get you thinking and laughing about those mental moments. Don’t try these jokes with someone afraid of the dark undertones of mental madness.
1. “My therapist told me to write down my triggering feelings since childhood. Now I’m just worried about the mental health of my therapist.”
2. “I told my psychiatrist I felt dead inside because I was feeling like I was losing my mind. He said, ‘Don’t worry; it’s working. You’re just making space for something new.’”
3. “When I said I was ‘crazy busy,’ I didn’t realize it would be more crazy than busy.”
4. “They say laughter is the best medicine, but I think I’ve overdosed.”
5. “I’m not sure why I tried meditation to calm my mind. Now, my thoughts are just arguing in silence.”
6. “I asked my friend how he managed his anxiety. His response was, ‘I just keep it as a pet — it’s better trained than I am.’”
7. “I’ve joined a support group for overthinking. We meet every night in my head.”
8. “They told me to stay positive, so now I just smile through the madness.”
9. “I told my therapist that I hear voices. She said, ‘As long as they’re paying rent, we’re good.’”
10. “The line between sanity and insanity is thin, but at least on the other side, there’s no waiting.”
Dark Jokes on Misfortune and Bad Luck
Embrace the comedy in bad luck and watch your audience warm up to your endearing mishaps. You might even catch the eye of someone who finds self-deprecation charming or romantic.
1. “My luck’s so bad, if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.”
2. “I used to find it weird how many people believe in bad luck, until I lost my job, walked under a ladder, broke a mirror, and then a black cat crossed my path. At this point, I’m just waiting for the universe to offer me a loyalty card.”
3. “If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck.”
4. “I tried to turn my life around, but I think I just did a full circle.”
5. “I don’t have a dark cloud following me. It’s more like a permanent storm.”
6. “Every time I try to count my blessings, I calculate the odds of another disaster.”
7. “I’m so unlucky, I’d find a four-leaf clover and discover it’s actually just poison ivy.”
8. “They say when one door closes, another opens. In my case, it’s a trapdoor.”
9. “My life’s a series of unfortunate events, but at least my plot twists keep things interesting.”
10. “I thought I hit rock bottom, but then life handed me a shovel.”
Dark Jokes on Absurdity and Irony
When irony strikes, it can be painfully comical and absurdly dark, just like these puns.
1. “I bought a stress ball to relieve anxiety, but now I’m just stressed about squeezing it too hard.”
2. “I find it weird how many people take the irony of life for granted. By the time they’re old enough to understand it, they’re too tired to care.”
3. “I signed up for a self-help seminar, but the guy running it was just as lost as I am. Sign up to learn more today.”
4. “I went to a fortune teller, and she told me my future was uncertain. Best $20 I ever spent.”
5. “Life’s a joke, but we’re all in on it.”
6. “I tried to be the bigger person, but I just ended up feeling smaller.”
7. “I spent years climbing and still holding the ladder of success, only to find out it was leaning against the wrong wall.”
8. “I wanted to find myself, but I just ended up getting more lost. Now I’m teaching others the same.”
9. “The best part about irony is that it’s always there when you least need it.”
10. “I tried to take life seriously, but life thought it was hilarious.”
Dark Jokes on Cynicism and Nihilism
It takes true comical craftsmanship to land a cynical or nihilistic punchline. These jokes are ludicrous.
1. “I used to be an optimist, but then I realized nothing matters.”
2. “Why chase your dreams and bucket lists when we’re all just heading to the same finish line?”
3. “Life’s a journey and I’m just a passenger — until the bills come.’”
4. “I asked what the meaning of life is, and someone told me, ‘It’s just a cosmic joke with no punchline.’”
5. “I told my friend to look on the bright side, and he said, ‘I’m afraid of the light.’”
6. “They say life’s what you make of it, but I’ve found that it makes a pretty good mess on its own.”
7. “I was looking for meaning in life, but I think I just found the void staring back.”
8. “I tried to find the silver lining, but it turns out it’s just the tin foil to my chicken sandwich.”
9. “Life’s a joke, and I’m just here for the awkward silence after the punchline.”
10. “They say you only live once, but considering how things are going, once is more than enough.”
Dark Jokes on Existentialism
Sprinkle these existential jokes liberally to leave everyone contemplating life’s big questions.
1. “I had an existential crisis, reached the difficult decision, but then I realized it didn’t matter — so now I’m just having a nap.”
2. “I think, therefore I am… confused about why I’m still doing this and if this is still the right choice for me.”
3. “I looked into the abyss for answers, but it just shrugged and asked me what I was doing with my life.”
4. “I tried to find meaning in life, but all I found were unanswered texts, expired coupons, and a note on the fridge that says, ‘call mom’.”
5. “The more I search for life’s purpose, the more I realize I hate looking for things.”
6. “I asked life what the point was, and it replied, ‘I’m still figuring things out myself.’”
7. “I used to wonder why I’m here, but as I get older, I just hope the snacks are worth it.”
8. “Life is just one long existential shrug, and I’m not even sure what the question was.”
9. “I tried to find myself, but I kept bumping into all the things I was trying to avoid, like the Chinese restaurant across the street.”
10. “I’ve accepted that I’ll never find the meaning of life, but at least I’m getting good at existential small talk.”
100 Dark Humor Jokes: An Ultimate List Of Straight Comedy GrimeBored Panda
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